Sasquatch on the Loose!!!

1 Apr

A 400 pound, ten-foot four-inch wooly sasquatch scared the living daylights out of much of the animal kingdom in the early morning hours today as it thundered across the Blue Lake culvert and climbed the bank to the island, cracking ice like thin glass plates under its tremendous feet and sending at least three dogs cowering into the dark corners of an old smoke shack for safety.  An eye-witness, who claims sobriety, relates that around 6:45 a.m. (CDT), he simultaneously heard an ear-piercing screeching of eagles while the frozen ground inexplicably buckled and trembled like a tectonic apparition beneath his legs.  He looked from his work – patching holes in an old fishing skiff – and saw, “a creature with the face of an angry ape and a body the size of three grizzlies, lumbering upright on legs like holsteins”.  He added that the elephantine brute sported gray to tawny bristly hair, about three to four inches long “much like an unshaven but well-fed Finnish lumberjack come spring.”  After the Americanized yeti (there was no indication that it was a Canadian hippie taking an early vacation) clambered over the culvert, it disappeared down Blue Lake Island Road and hasn’t been seen since.  What business the sasquatch had on the island this April Fool’s Day remains to be seen.

The Big Foot Field Researcher’s Organization has received more than a few big foot sightings from the Northwoods since 1995, with the most recent being a July 2008 encounter in Price County .

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