Visions for a New Seagull Island on Blue Lake in Minocqua, Wisconsin

30 Apr

With some of the clearest sparkling waters in all of the great state of Wisconsin, Blue Lake is the premier go-to destination for all sorts of aquatic jollifications.  A hot summer’s day reveals water sports-a-plenty with waterskiiers, wakeboarders, jetskiiers, snorkelers, scuba divers, boaters, fisherpeople, swimmers and sunbathers, among many others, frolicking in the sapphire blue H20.  As the Northwoods area, and Minocqua, in particular, enjoys a great tourism-based heritage, we citizens of the Blue Lake Metropolitan Area have a great opportunity to harness the vacation action in proportions unseen since swarms of unscrupulous carpetbaggers descended on the south after the Civil War.

Dubai Palm Tree Island

Dubai Palm Tree Island

Skeptical that we can flip our position from cloistered bystanders to power-players on the greater Northwoods places of interest chessboard?  Let’s look at Dubai.  A member of the United Arab Emirates in the oil-rich Middle East, Dubai enjoys a more than pleasant standard of living originally built upon an oil trade which wasn’t going to last.

And so, with its eye to the future, Dubai made major plans to shift its economic structure’s dependence on oil cash to tourism cash.  Oh, and what visions of the future they are.  This little emirate has most impressively crafted a westerner’s paradise complete with man-made islands and hotels shaped like sailboats.

How can garish engineering and architecture in the Persian Gulf possibly affect our own Blue Lake, you might ask.  Well, as unfortunate as this ever-long drought is, it’s bequeathed us Seagull Island which is getting more popular with each passing day (granted, primarily with waterfowl, but, like I predicted last fall, it’s only a matter of time before homesteaders start showing up.  Do we really want a bunch of free-wheeling Bohemian beatniks tenting out there, playing guitars and forming drum circles at all hours of the night?)

Current State of Seagull Island on Blue Lake

Current State of Seagull Island on Blue Lake

Blue Lake’s central position in a heavily-trafficked tourism area plus a naturally forming sandy lake island equals a perfect windfall of opportunity.  Now, it’s a little too late to just kick everyone off of the big Blue Lake Island to develop the land into hotels, condos, skyscrapers, and chain restaurants, but we can, like the forward-thinking Dubains, develop, and add to, these new gifts from nature.

I am the first to admit that I’m no engineering expert but I’ve drafted a photograph of what these new island paradises – developed with a “Northwoods theme” to appease the Minocqua Township Planning Commission – might look like:

Visions of a New Blue Lake

Visions of a New Blue Lake

I’ve even included our own “Sailboat Hotel” which translates perfectly into our Blue Lake culture.  And please note, “Leinie Island” will, hopefully, be financed entirely by the Jacob Leinenkugel Brewing Company.  So, in the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield’s excellent turn as Thornton Melon giving his fellow coeds a real-world perspective at The University of Wisconsin Great Lakes University in Back to School, we may have to “grease a few palms” on the Oneida County Zoning Board, but if we act now, we can get this operation up and running by July.


4 Responses to “Visions for a New Seagull Island on Blue Lake in Minocqua, Wisconsin”

  1. winkle - bull May 1, 2009 at 8:22 am #

    I think this is a horrible idea – how could anyone defile our beautiful private lake with such a spurious idea. Not even those brown shirts in DNR or the communists in Madison could come up with a more depressing plan to open our lake up to a public invasion of undesirable foreigners incudling illegal swine flu infected [OFFENSIVE], nude loving europeans, terrorist taliban [OFFENSIVE], [OFFENSIVE], uncouth chicagons, and liberal loving new yorkers. If you decide to continue to promote this idea, I will have to contact Fox news and the more reasonable voices on conservative talk radio to do a feature piece on what Obama’s presidency has spawned in the northwoods of Wisconsin.

    • The Provost May 1, 2009 at 10:14 am #

      Thank you for your most impassioned comment, Winkie. While I am surprised by your ideological leanings, I should also keep in mind that you like to eat remote controls. However, you do touch upon a very valid point… we may be able to get economic stimulus money for this project.

  2. George May 1, 2009 at 4:56 pm #

    this is hillarious – i think the only thing you missed is the oil processing center we could add

    • The Provost May 2, 2009 at 11:27 am #

      Great suggestion; that’d be a good attraction for the East Basin!

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